CULTIVATING THE COMMUNITY OF SCHOLARS:
PEER RELATIONSHIPS FOR GRADUATE
STUDENTS
Nick Repak
As an undergraduate at UNC - Chapel Hill, Jason was part of a campus
community where he found support and encouragement personally and
academically, and where he was surrounded by a group of caring peers. One
year, he and his friends secured the basketball coliseum for a group date
at center court. When he was offered the opportunity to pursue a Ph.D. at
Harvard, he had no idea that the highly-competitive, achievement-oriented
environment would be overwhelming. What he seemed to miss most was peer
support. At age 27, frustrated and isolated while pursuing his research
agenda, he took his own life. The tragedy traumatized his parents, his
peers, and his extended family. The obvious question arises: would Jason
have handled the stresses of graduate school better if he had more support
and encouragement from his teachers and peers?
An environment that emphasizes academic excellence above all else might
not be attentive to the personal and emotional needs of its students. The
pressure to excel academically is often intensified by such factors as:
competition within a department for status and funding
a tight job market, in which only the top students will be noticed
excessive hours spent in isolation in a laboratory or library
separation from peers and other members of the department during the ABD
phase
family expectations on the student
inappropriate pressure from advisors who have their own research agenda
the push to publish or perish, or at the very least, to finish the degree.
While some students may enjoy a balanced life and an enriching academic
experience in graduate school, others may find that the above-mentioned
combination of stressors overwhelms them. This paper suggests some ways to
assess campus support systems and modify them where needed, so that the
idyllic "community of scholars" may come close to reality for a majority of
students.
Assessing Department Support
At a major research institute in Texas, one department wanted to raise the
caliber of its graduate students and to do so quickly. According to one of
the students in the department, the plan was to accept twice as many
students as desired, set high demands on all of them, and reward only the
best students by allowing them to continue in the program. After the first
semester, this particular student said he had survived the culling process
"at a tremendous personal cost."
Another student in a different department observed that the returning
graduate students in the program seemed to be highly competitive and
anxious about their work. A group of new Ph.D. students decided that they
would band together and try to create an atmosphere of cooperation and
support. Personally and academically, the results were astonishing. The
students felt that the supportive environment helped to make the academic
year challenging and rewarding for them. In this environment, the students
flourished and the quality of their research was enhanced.
Excessive competition in academia fosters a sense of isolation and
ill-will. Students have told us stories about virtual sabotage by others in
their department- where, for example, the reference books were removed from
reserved positions, equipment was intentionally damaged, equipment and
supplies were hoarded, and students were shunned because their research or
an advisor was on "the outs" in the department. While some have refused to
take part in such games, others find it unavoidable and uncomfortable.
Virtually any environment can be improved with some creative initiatives.
In a situation where an advisor seems to be more harmful than helpful, a
"pseudo-advisor" should be found.1 If students feel excessive pressure that
is more internally-imposed than externally, it helps if they keep a journal
of their personal progress, and to record objective perspectives from their
peers. Some psychologists recommend that graduate students seek a support
group from the very onset of their program. Even those who find themselves
in less competitive environments will benefit from the social and
intellectual stimulus of regular peer group interaction.
Some Effort Required
In a national study on the lifestyles of graduate students, The Barna
Research Group of Glendale, California found that the vast majority of
students placed a high value on quality relationships; but 73% of them felt
distant from their peers. The study indicated that "Friendships appeared to
fuel the search for academic growth by enabling students to learn from the
perceptions, experiences, and challenges of their comrades, and they also
provided an emotional release from academic intensity."2 Mutual growth from
shared experiences is the greatest benefit of peer relationships.
Grad Resources has also conducted interviews with thousands of graduate
students across the country, in order to learn more about the challenges of
graduate school. Most of those interviewed said that older graduate
students within the department offered the best guidance and assistance to
them. One Ph.D. student in a history department said, "[My peers] helped me
to understand the system, compile all my funding grants, and discover lots
of post-doctoral opportunities." But this valuable help may not be
available to everyone. Some graduate students find it impossible to meet
all the academic demands on them and still have time to develop
relationships within the department. International students especially may
find themselves associating exclusively with peers from their own country,
and never take the time to meet other students. Furthermore, 50% of all
Ph.D. students are married and cannot afford distractions from family time
to participate in social events. It takes precious time commitments before
they can begin to reap the benefits of close relationships with their
peers.
Follow the Process
All relationships go through phases, and various levels of openness are
appropriate in different phases. Getting beyond the acquaintance phase and
habitual "safe topics" in conversations take time- time that is essential
if peer relationships are to grow into mutually-nurturing and rewarding
friendships. There is a tenuous characteristic to early friendships that,
with time and cultivation, may progress to deeper, more fulfilling
relationships. With deeper commitment, greater depth of sharing, and trials
and tests, friendships may rise to new levels that involve less risk and
greater rewards. These "quality friends" are then available to socialize,
"let off steam" together, and be "listening ears" during times of struggle.
Graduate students provide safe havens for each other, especially when one
of them feels overwhelmed by his or her work. Some departments recognize
the hesitation among their graduate students to make relationships a
priority, and try to schedule socials for them. The University of
Washington - Seattle fisheries grad students, for example, scheduled a
regular Friday afternoon happy hour. The mathematics group at University of
Texas - Austin hosted a tea and cake hour as a weekly break for students.
Some students start book clubs, gourmet dinner clubs, and socials with
faculty. We even heard of a group that had PB&J weekly lunches for
international students. These organized activities allow for short regular
breaks and a chance to exchange concerns. Sometimes the students who need
the emotional and social release don't feel that they have the time to
attend such events.
Investing Trust
A student once told me that "I would feel too vulnerable" to be in a
support group of peers within the department. Some people are afraid of
revealing their weaknesses, or of giving other students an advantage by
assisting them. Struggling students may feel that they are the only ones
going through such difficulties. Many are shocked to learn that a majority
of graduate students feel inadequate at times, unable to do their work, or
unable to get along with a professor- to the point where they have
seriously considered quitting. It takes vulnerability and trust to share
such struggles with peers and to help one another through these challenges.
But emotional risk is necessary for deeper relationships.
Older, returning graduate students (individuals previously in the
workforce, now entering an advanced degree program) represent one of the
largest groups on campus, and they may find it more difficult to connect
with younger students. Men in particular may be afraid to let others get
too close. The best relationships require you to let others meet your needs
even if you feel uncomfortable asking.
Time constraints for graduate students may limit their opportunities for
developing relationships. Awkward communication skills may further limit
social interaction. It takes intuition and initiative to know how to reveal
oneself without dumping on others, how to share without gossiping, and
expressing concerns without demeaning colleagues (while some relational
self-help books offer training in these skills, most learn through trial
and error). Within departments, international students often form cliques
because they feel more comfortable with peers from the same country or
language group. Unfortunately, all students lose out when cross-pollination
fails to take place.
Sample Support Systems
Most authors who assess the stress factors for graduate students recommend
that they form dissertation support groups. Rob Peters suggests joining a
support group from the beginning of a student's program.3 Many also benefit
from study groups for qualifying exams, while others may be looking for a
diversion from study. At one university, a group of peers read Star Trek
books together. At others, there are groups that have formed to play bridge
or discuss great books together. The key ingredients in these groups are
shared interests, a sense of commitment, mutual acceptance and openness to
others.
Some students go to older graduate students or to faculty members for
guidance, while others prefer to look for people with common interests
outside their field of study. Some prefer to get involved in women's or
men's groups, or in networking groups that might help them in the future.
Such groups provide a place where students can find distractions from study
and a forum where they can bring struggles, ideas and plans. One needs only
to look for people with similar interests in order to join such groups, or
to start one yourself. As one Berkeley student put it, "A socialist
mentality is needed; support for all, no competition, and no leader."
Getting There
If the fear of vulnerability or lack of time has distanced you from other
people in your department, it may be time to look elsewhere for a support
system. Before initiating new peer relationships, there are several
questions to ask yourself. Do you encourage others in the same way that you
want to be encouraged? Do you share feelings with friends and not just
concepts? Do you seek like-minded people or a variety of views? Would you
prefer to talk deep or talk sports? Do you seek accountability, critique,
light-heartedness, or depth analysis? When you're with a close friend, do
you say what you think or guard your words? As a listener, are you
attentive and concerned or easily distracted? Do you tend to work through
relational conflicts or avoid them?
The path to forming quality peer relationships requires small steps rather
than quantum leaps. Begin by showing genuine interest in your peers- by
asking questions and showing openness and empathy. Allow others into your
world by inviting them home to meet your family (if appropriate), or into
your lab or office; or share some of your outside interests by inviting
someone to a concert, sporting event, movie, or restaurant. Some students
find better connections outside their departments, and discussion may flow
better outside of the university altogether. The goal is to identify peers
who allow you to be open with them and who are supportive.
It is essential that one follow the appropriate process for developing
these relationships, and not dump too much information, share struggles
with too much passion, or invite depth that hasn't yet developed. There is
as much to learn from our differences with other people as from shared
convictions and experiences. But there is also a human tendency to move
away from people with too many differences from us.
Trust is an extremely difficult element to restore once it has been
destroyed. Some students will spare no expense in getting ahead, especially
if it is at someone else's expense. Aristotle once said that, "The antidote
for fifty enemies is one friend." 4 In some situations, you may need more
than one friend to balance the difficult relationships. Be willing to try
again, and to find peers that are available to you in a challenging
academic environment.
The quality of your life ought to be measured by the depth of your
friendships, not by rows of degrees on your wall. Begin by developing a
vision for the role of friendships in your life, and consider graduate
school a practice ground for friendships. Take the initiative, take steps,
take risks, and take a friend with you for what may be the most rewarding
time of your life.
1. Professor/Grad Relationships: Maximizing the Mentoring Potential, Nick
Repak 1990
2. Understanding Graduate Students, George Barna, 1990
3. Getting What You Came For, Robert L. Peters Ph.D. 1992
4. Words for All Occasions; Quotes, Stories, Anecdotes, Poems, Fables, Proverbs & One-Liners, Glenn Van Ekeren, 1988
